I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. The letter implies that the only protection used was the birth control. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. landygirl Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. Dr. Sherry. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). And yes men create children. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. She is sovereign over her own body. Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. Stop this back and forth with him. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. Her body, her choice, he had NOTHING to do with it. And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. Or shes financially and emotionally ready to have a baby. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. Have whatever sex you want. caitie_didnt And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, LW? lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 6:43 pm. By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. Cookie Notice iseeshiny It seems they are in a good place now, but I checked my mans texts and she still flirts with him and tries to get him back. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. is significantly higher than the risk of contracting HIV, which is actually not all that contagious. I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. 4. Not me. reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A Get over yourself and get over him. But it also ought to be her responsibility. he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. You have the proof he banged her and now they have a child together. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. If the father is ready to accept 100% responsibility for his actions and keep the child, but the woman, not ready for motherhood, wants to abort the child and move on, what do we call this woman? That is a risk women take. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. 3) A parent leaving their child with the other parent, especially one they barely know, isnt the same as putting a child up for adoption. She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? While I stand by my statements about this woman being a total idiot, etc., and the fact that I dont think anyone was calling him scum for having sex with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend, I will say that I agree with the idea that its unfair for guys that they have no say in keeping or aborting but will be on the hook for child support even if they wanted the mother to have an abortion. April 9, 2012, 9:23 pm. Male rape victims notwithstanding, men control where their sperm goes. reader, Junebug2589+, writes (22 November 2008): A If you dont want a baby use birth control. haha. Now Im confused. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. Welcome.In todays video I PRANK MY GIRLFRIEND !I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND. Thats why we never used condoms. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. Youre fucking advocating that brilliantly fool-proof method?! I got angry because it's something he should have told me. [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. John Rohan Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. Long story short he ended up comeing to his sences and we got back together a month or so before our son was born. Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. . But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. kerrycontrary He was there just as much as that woman was. Run like the wind. Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions without relying on you to rescue him. You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. Imagine that you get to design a law that will allow fairness no matter which of these happens. Notwithstanding the fact that birth control sometimes fails, hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. Dude, thats seriously out of line. He hides me as well as the other girl. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! And he took on the consequences. If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. Are you kidding? Both have to accept responsibility for that. If the woman wants to abort, then she can, but thats a decision she has to make because its happening inside her own body. I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. I think that is a pretty bad guess with how this guys attitude is towards things, and how badley he wants nothing to do with the child. SpaceySteph Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. 8. John Rohan April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. Knock it off. This is so hard for me. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. April 9, 2012, 12:39 pm. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. What a joke. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? bittergaymark Temperance Hi. He says he cant stand her? People surely arent calling him scum for not taking responsibility, because hes apparently going to provide support. Hes a scumbag and your only choices are (1) say so now and be rid of him, or (2) wait 5 or 10 years and say Why didnt I see this 5 or 10 years ago? By then you may be after him for child support yourself, and good luck with that therell be at least one in line ahead of you every payday. when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. Really, people. Everything is he: He is in love with you, so in love that he humped another woman; so in love that he wanted to kill a baby to be with you. Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. Its very comforting to hear and I hope to do as good of a job as your mother did. Then the unlikely happens. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. LOL What? Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? So sad that anyone would think its even necessary to implement such a system. Rachelgrace53 And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother).. I dont doubt that Sure Baby, I love you. I think we need to take a poll. For all you know she could be 35 and realize that this may be her one chance to have a baby. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. Therefore, move on. I simply had to chime in here as this is what I do for a living and so many people are sadly misinformed. religiously wear condoms. Always follow your gut and your instincts. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. April 9, 2012, 1:23 pm. female Does that change your opinion? He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. Exactly why I advocate abortions in those cases. April 10, 2012, 7:01 pm. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. And I tend to agree that with certain situations, men end up with the raw end of the deal. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. -Got her pregnant Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. And should. iseeshiny While youre at it make sure to pop out a few more kids yourself, too. 10. Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? She looked enough to bang, though, huh? Ill never in a million years get it. Then, when you decided to get back together he wasnt so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. Life is unfair. Call me crazy, but I dont see any partys reaction to this crazy. Like condoms until you actually know you can trust them. an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. Life isnt fair. PS. Would be nice if they could because there were many nights when I was pregnant where my husband could have had our babies lay on his bladder instead of mine. It was definitely his decision too. In fact, Im sure you could find a wealth of women who never received support a day in their life. Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup.