You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Marines Say OOOOORAH! What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. 8. 34. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. What happened Sergeant? Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Caller: OK. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. 6. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. No, we dont, she said. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. 13:30 comes and goes. Caller: Is Sgt. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. More information More like this My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Only one. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Speed is life. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Looking for military boot camp jokes? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. 64. Reply: No, I say again. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. MARCH! The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. 4. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 43. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Gary Toohard. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor It was sheer brilliance. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . He needed COVER! The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. He is the Founder and . 1. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Air Traffic Control 6. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Louis, I grumbled. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Im 81 years old, he answered. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. The Marine said Are you crazy? "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Attention! I was very nervous, she said. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Later, I spoke with Mom. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Me: No. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. A Recruiter Misled You. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Anecdotes 2. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? What did one panicking sailor say to the other? After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. How much noise can we make up here? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. You had tents?, USAF: Birds However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? 29. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Yes, said the lieutenant. March forth! So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Then one day I couldnt find it. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. 9. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Pilots 5. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. An airplane! Why Do We Celebrate It? It took the poor guy all day. They bagged six. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? 1. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. He nodded. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

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